(1) Share my fun nuggets of adventure as an anesthesiologist by day and mom by 24/7 of my currently 2-year-old, Jacob, and newcomer, Cameron. I make it a point to take daily pictures. What better way to share?
(2) Reflect on the challenges of being a first-time mom (of 2) and doctor.
Tonight is our last night in our ‘new’ place. Our old place will have new paint, carpet, shower and no more water damage in the walls of the kitchen and master shower. Despite all the buildup and chaos leading up to the move back, I’m feeling kind of sad to have to leave our current home.
What will I miss about our current place?
I’ll miss living in the village where we can walk to restaurants, cafes, the gelato store, my favorite boba café, an awesome breakfast café and bakery… Ill also miss the new appliances- the quiet dishwasher, fast washer and dryer (that’s also on the same level as our living area), and all the space (we’re moving from a 4-bedroom to a 2-bedroom).
Almost 3 months old already!?
Chillin like a villain
You may be wondering why don’t you just stay there then? Well, to start, our old place is right by the ocean! The view just cannot be beat. Secondly, the rent for this place is almost twice of what we currently pay.
We’ll finally be able to settle into what was supposed to be our ‘new’ life of four. But I can’t help but feel somewhat attached to this home that we made for ourselves these last three months. The people who helped us find this place and make this our home will always have a special place in our heart. This was the home we brought our brand new, 1-day-old son. This was where our parents met this cutie pie for the first time. And I’ll always remember how Jacob pranced and skipped around this place these last several months.
Thanksgiving is next week, I can’t believe how quickly time has passed. Then our new nanny starts the following week and then I’m back to work the week after that. I am not looking forward to being away from these kiddos. I jokingly say I’ll be okay leaving Jacob since he is a whole lot of toddler these days. I look at him and am nostalgic for his baby days. I can see why people have babies after their little ones grow up.
It’ll be another adjustment. We’ll take it day by day and see how things go. Stay tuned…
My goal to keep up with weekly blogs has not been fulfilled since Cameron was born. It seems like ages since he was born and it’s been only 2 months. We’ve only been just the 4 of us for two weeks now. My parents, Jeff’s parents and friends have come to stay with us. Both sets of parents were incredibly helpful with entertaining and giving attention to Jacob, meal prep and clean up, and household chores (laundry, garbage, cleaning) that we didn’t have enough hands/hours to do.
Now we’ve been on our own for almost 2 weeks and the house is a hot mess. That may be our new norm. Dishes are done at the end of the day, meals are whatever is fastest and easiest, laundry piles up until we need burp cloths and blankets. Thankfully, Jacob is entertained MWF morning at schools. I’m trying to find things for him to do the other days.
Jacob is on his way to becoming a three-nager. He had a few serious tantrums/meltdowns and acts of defiance this past year (Mammoth Village when he wanted me to buy a carton of coconut water when I had already bought/he drank from a bottle is the one that sticks out in my mind). Most recently, he decided to spill all the Goldfish onto the couch cushion and when I asked him to put them back into their bag, he proceeded to crush the Goldfish, scatter them everywhere and laughed as he ran away from me.
Because I was nursing Cameron, I was helpless to do anything other than talk in a stern voice and try to give him my stink eye. Neither worked and I was increasingly becoming impatient. I put Cameron down, brought him to the couch and tried to get him to pick the Goldfish up. He protested, cried, screamed and I raised my voice. Nothing was working nor did I think to consult my brain for the notes I had written from How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen
were far from my mind.
While this is going on, my mind and emotions are all over the place. I’m frustrated that Jacob is not listening, I’m annoyed that there is a big mess of Goldfish, I’m wondering how I’m going to teach Jacob to respect food and take responsibility for making a mess, I’m fast forwarding to his three-nage years and wondering how I’m going to handle more frequent/worse tantrums, and I’m mad at myself and feel guilty that I’m upset and raising my voice at him.
There is life-long reflection and learning to parenting. Will there ever be a day where I don’t feel guilty or lacking in some kind? I’m not sure. I would like to be a gentle, patient parent who focuses on the positive and is able to redirect with humor or distraction. That doesn’t happen easily especially in the heat of the moment. Next time, I must be mindful of these emotions and try harder to be calm and positive.
Later on when both parties were calmer, I had a conversation with Jacob to try to relay to him the importance of respecting food (e.g., Goldfish is food for eating) and cleaning up if we making a mess. He seemed to understand and we haven’t had any further Goldfish incidents since then.
Jacob is being himself: a toddler- learning so much and quickly, wanting to have fun outside and doing everything he wants to do (eat candy, watch TV). I mean, who doesn’t want to do all those things all day long?
Ice cream will get him to stay seated
So much for that theory!
I need a refresher course on how to talk to toddlers so they will listen. I have a few other books in my library that I haven’t read yet – No Drama Discipline and The Whole Brain Child. I’ll add reading and praying to my daily To Do list.
Stay tuned for future blogs about preparing to return to work, picking a nanny and dealing with diaper rash. Cameron is 2 months old now and is eating and growing like a champ. Until then, I hope everyone has a fun and cute Halloween! This weekend’s task is to get Jacob a costume! He refuses everything!
Jacob helping carve a pumpkin. My 2nd pumpkin ever!
Friendly ghost family Jack-o-Lantern!
What funny stories or advice do you have about the terrible twos and threenager tantrums?
I survived the first 30 days of the newborn period. Cameron is about 5 weeks old and we’ve had both sets of grandparents here for over a week each. It’s been a little bit of an adjustment which is one of the reasons I haven’t been able to write.
And this morning, as I dropped off Jacob at preschool and went for a short walk, I said I was going to catch up on my blog. As I write, it’s 11:21 and I have to leave in 20 minutes to go pick him up. Where does the time go? Well, the first hour was spent going on a leisurely stroll through town. Then the next 30-45 minutes of the 3 hours I have was spent nursing Cameron and then talking on the phone with Anthem Blue Cross.
I have been trying to get reimbursed from Anthem for the Willow breast pump since its original purchase date of 7/12/18. It’s not 10/1/18 and I have been submitting claims and appeals since then via email and snail mail as well. Insurance… it has its good and bad days, doesn’t it? The Willow breast pump is a new electric breast pump that enables a mom to pump wire-free. It tucks right into your bra and collects the milk into a bag within the system. It sounds great, doesn’t it? In theory, yes. I haven’t been able to exactly get the hang of it yet so so far it’s been a pain (literally and figuratively) on my lactating breasts and trying to get some reimbursement from insurance.
My in-laws left this Monday morning after a 1.5 week stay with us. I love them- they’re super nice and great with Jacob. They try to help however they can with meal preparation and/or clean up, changing diapers, household things like laundry, etc. They’re inherently kind and generous people and very low-maintenance. They did, for the first time ever, make me appreciate my parents and my upbringing. For instance, my parents are not very chatty people. My in-laws are very chatty and like to ask a lot of questions because they’re naturally curious.
There are some things that all grandparents/family seem to have in common. When the baby is crying, grandparents like to sing the baby’s name repeatedly and increasing in volume in hopes that the baby will stop crying. Sometimes they’ll even clap and make funny noises at the baby. They also like to come very close to you when you are holding the baby. It’s kind of surprising when you realize that someone has sidled up to you. I thought it was just my parents who did that. Nope, it seems to be a common theme (though my n=2 sample size may be small).
Our new routine.. is not yet having a routine. With our 4-bedroom temporary housing situation, we have the space for the in-laws to stay with us. Which saves us a ton of money since we usually foot the hotel bill. It does mean that I get the master bedroom and Jeff sleeps in an air mattress in the 4th bedroom downstairs. Cameron is adjusting to sleeping in the bassinet at night.
Health-wise, he is growing like a champ. Thanks to his tongue-clipping he is eating like a champ and so efficiently (<10 minutes per side). Our current concern is his jaundice. Before our hospital departure, his jaundice levels were normal. Then with the incoming of breastmilk, he developed some jaundice and we noticed the whites of his eyes were slightly yellow and the pediatrician noticed some jaundice on his torso. Other than the whites of his eyes, Jeff and I didn’t notice the jaundice since we figured, he’s half-Korean.
The recommended treatment for this current level was 24 hours of formula and await symptom improvement for a week. During that 24 hours, I was to pump milk. If this was the first baby, I would’ve felt like a total failure in giving the baby formula. With Baby #2, I did not feel as guilty- not totally guilt-free but felt less bad because this was a medical treatment. And I also thought, great! I can try out this Willow pump and start a little bit of storage! Double bonus!
I have to admit, *Cameron could go 4-5 hours without needing to be fed and he was sleeping like a champ! I was pumping every 3-4 hours with my old Medela Pump in Style Advanced. This would’ve been a great time to practice with the Willow pump but that’s a story for a different day.
That night, Cameron ate 3-4 oz. at 8:30pm and went to bed. I went to bed after preparing my pump parts and a few bottles of formula. The next thing I know, it’s 2:30 am, my breasts are huge and feel like rocks but Cameron is still fast asleep without a peep. Usually he’s grunting and trying to kick out of his swaddle! I pumped and got ~3 oz/breast which made me super happy! (On average, you produce about 1 oz/hour and I never became nor would I want to be a superproducer.) Other than trying to find some quiet time to pump (in-laws were with us) with Jacob running around in circles so I had to lock the bedroom door, the next annoying thing was cleaning the bottles and pump parts.
Twenty four hours went by quickly and thankfully we were back to breastfeeding. I’ve never been so happy to breastfeed again! Pumping is a pain! My nipples felt like 5 layers of skin had been ripped off and they HURT! I thought my nipples were used to pumping after my time from Jacob. That doesn’t seem to be the case. How am I going to keep up with pumping when I’m back at work? Hmm…
Now we have to wait a week and see if his jaundice/scleral icterus improves.
My in-laws left, we had a few days of me being sola with the kids and now my parents are here. Jeff is going on a diving trip to Mexico for a few days so it’d be nice to have some help and also for my parents to spend more time with the grandkids.
Jacob has been loving the attention from the grandparents. He’s been getting better with the school dropoff transition. He is such a fun and happy toddler. He has a fierce independence and spirit. I love looking at his baby pictures and comparing his and Cameron’s age. Poor guy, it’s hard to do everything he wants to do. First it was when I was pregnant and I couldn’t walk/carry/do much with him. Now, it’s hard to do stuff because of having to feed Cameron. As Cameron gets older and his eating spaces out, we’ll be able to do more things.
Stay tuned for more tales from the life of a hotmess mom of 2.
What fun grandparent stories do you have? Any advice for how to manage 2 boys?
Jacob @~5wks vs Cameron @~5wks
Jacob @1mo vs Cameron @1mo
*I finished this blog on 2.5 days on Thursday night.
… as a Family of 4. Cameron is now 11 days old but it feels like a month has gone by. Being awake more hours of the day than asleep- ahhhh, I had forgotten what that feels like.
The timing of it all-
8:30am: Arrive for check in, get paperwork, labs drawn, IV started
10am: Pitocin started, 4-5cm, contracting every 2 minutes, no pain
10-1300: hang out, get some CMEs, send some texts
1300: epidural placed (high likelihood that labor would progress quickly after this)
1309: break bag of water (LOTS of water)
1400: feel rectal pressure, getting ready to push
1509: Baby is born!!
Cameron’s first week of life was a whirlwind. He was born at 15:09 on Friday, August 24, after an hour of going from 4-5cm to being complete and an hour of pushing. When he was born, the OB turned the baby upside down so we could see the undercarriage and see if the baby was a boy or a girl. I was expecting to see girl parts and was shellshocked to see boy parts!
Cameron’s head seemed to not want to come out so my OB said if she made a little episiotomy, his head would pop right out! I was almost going to agree but asked for one more push. And WABAM! His head popped right out! It’s like when you’re a resident doing a difficult spinal placement or a-line and you ask for help from an attending, and then you succeed on your own! He was 8 lbs, 7 oz, although he looked so teeny to Jeff and me, maybe 7 oz. But no, he was a good normal size.
We were discharged home Saturday around 1600, after all of Cameron’s testing was done (newborn screening, jaundice check). Monday was another pediatrician visit where he was 7 lbs, 11 oz and needed to get some formula supplementation until my milk came in. With Jacob, my milk came in on Day of Life 3. People say your milk comes in faster/earlier with #2 but that wasn’t the case with me. I felt defeated and anxious wondering if my milk would ever come in? What if giving him formula would cause nipple confusion and he didn’t want the breast anymore? Why, oh why, had I forgotten to order my ‘favorite’ organic formula ahead of time? Oh yes, that’s right, because we were in a hot mess of a situation trying to find housing, moving and keeping this bun in the oven until we were settled into a home.
My 2 boys hanging out
Love watching him sleep
So far the only time Jacob has acknowledged Cameron (Day of Life 2)
Wednesday was another Weight Check (aka WCW aka Weight Check Wednesday), Thursday AM was the circumcision, Thursday PM was a tongue tie evaluation and possible tongue clipping procedure, Thursday PM was Parent Orientation for Jacob’s preschool, Friday AM was a ‘Meet and Greet’ for Jacob’s school and picnic afterwards. And thankfully within all this, my milk came in on Tuesday and Cameron was a better eater and napper.
Jeff has been home the last few weeks as well and it’s a lot of work even with 2 people. Jacob resisted his afternoon naps and thus pushed back dinner and his evening bedtime back a few hours. Jacob going to bed late meant there was less debriefing time for Jeff, Cameron and me and later ‘naps’ for me before my midnight shift. But it’s a huge help to have Jeff’s extra hands to help us all bond and get used to this new lifestyle.
Jacob is still not into Cameron which is understandable. He’s been spending a lot of time with Dad. There’s not much I can do with Jacob right now that includes only the 2 of us but I’m going to work on that as my body recovers and we start to get our new routine under way. Tomorrow is Jacob’s first day of preschool and the beginning of a lifelong journey of education. And for me, tomorrow is the beginning of a lifelong journey of being a mom of someone in school- making new friends, PTA, parent-teacher conferences, etc. It’ll be a whole new world for all of us.
An emotional day for Mommy
Thanks for the sign, Mom!!!
Jeff goes back to work Monday and my folks arrive Monday night. I’m somewhat nervous about being alone with the kids. How do I corral one super active and strong toddler? I will have to pray about it and all I can do is my best. Stay tuned for all the adventures ahead of us.
Do you have any advice about adjusting to life with a new baby? I welcome any and all advice! I hope no one labored too hard over Labor Day weekend!
Edited 08/28/18: Since this entry was written, our new addition, Cameron Sung Min Chisdak, was born on Friday, 08/24/18. It’s been a transition so a blog is pending.. Stay tuned! 🙂
Yesterday was the “last” time for a lot of things. Our “last” day as a family of 3, my “last” time putting Jacob to sleep as he is the only child… I had a good cry or two yesterday feeling sad/guilty to Jacob. As much as I know eventually he will be the best of friends with his brother/sister, I can’t help but be subconsciously traumatized at how not the best of friends my brother and I became and worry about Jacob and Dos.
We had a good day out for a boat ride, lunch at the Barefoot Grill. It was a gorgeous day and we all had a wonderful time.
Today’s the day, Dos. Today is your eviction day!
As a normal human being and previously induced mom, I should’ve known better than to stay up until midnight watching TV, but Jacob went to sleep late (thanks to late nap from 2:30-6) and me wanting to spend more time with him. I also wanted to spend some QT time Jeff just the “two” of us before the big day today.
My stomach was all in knots as well. Jeff and I talked about the handful of times we’ve been up late or felt this feeling of anxiety/nerves/excitement- the day before MCAT, the day before our wedding. I couldn’t remember what I felt the day before Jacob was induced…
… I go into labor in the middle of the night?
… Jacob freaks out while he’s at Mike/Kathy’s house? (He probably will, poor Liane!)
… Jacob freaks out because I’m not around all day/night? This’ll be the longest in a while since he’s been alone.
The medical reality of me also thinks about worst-case scenarios… What if… I need a c-section? What if something happens to me? Are all my things in order? Jeff knows where all my ID and passwords are for everything.
As you can see, my brain is all over the place right now and my stomach and innards are in IBS mode.
My OB said I could have a light breakfast before going in today at 8:30am. I’m an anesthesiologist and still have no idea what that means?! Light breakfast for me? I remember one patient had one ramen, one corn dog and that was her ‘light’ breakfast. I also, being the bad patient, had a smoothie and kimbap for breakfast while starting the induction.
Okay, buddy #1 and #2. It’s go-time soon. It’s 6:08am. Time to shower, pack some of Jacob, my and #2 things.
Is today the day you’re going to be born? You’re now in Virgo territory.
We went to the OB Tuesday, 08/21, and I was convinced that was going to be your birthday. He ‘disturbed’ the zone and the rest of the day I was filled with some cramping and Braxton-Hicks contractions so I thought yep, this was it! But alas, all you did was drop a little bit so I could eat some more and you’re still comfy.
Thank you for being so awesome these last 39+4 weeks and especially the last few weeks staying put while we found a new place to live and settle in. I’m sure you miss our old place but with this one you’ll have so much more room.
This entire pregnancy I was convinced you are a girl. Maybe because I feel like God wants me to experience what it’s like for a Mother-Daughter bond. I thought that when I was pregnant with your brother as well so who knows? But remember this pregnancy was different- I had more nausea for the entire first trimester, craving more spicy things (and I didn’t consider them spicy), a lot more crankiness and irritability and some more weight gain (32 pounds). Everyone else also wishes that we have a girl as well. Are you a girl or boy?
And then I thought, what if you’re a boy? I will be super excited for that as well. Either way, we win! And there’s nothing I’d want to change or be able to change at this point.
Thank you for growing so heathily and these last few weeks, having me wake up every 2-hours and staying up since 5am so we could practice being up to eat. You’re keeping me on my toes.
Even though I don’t feel ready, I am so excited to see you!!! I promise to try my best at being the best mom to you and Jacob. Maybe today’s the day! If not today, for sure tomorrow? We’re going to get induced at 8:30am tomorrow. I hope everything goes okay with your brother when we drop him at Eemoh’s house. Let’s pray for him as well. We’ve been eating yummy gelato and other delicious treats as we walk around and try to get you moving.
Costco on Tuesday- I almost wanted to sit in the car from all the cramping. But I love Costco and had to buy stuff!
These last few weeks have been a whirlwind as we’ve had to find/move to a new place. I wish we could’ve spent our time together playing and having fun instead of running around like chickens with our heads cut off like running errands, moving, packing/unpacking, etc. You have been amazingly calm and go-with-the-flow about everything- your diet is off, your sleep is off, we had NO AC for a few days, we have no bathtub. You obviously have received that gene from your dad.
I can’t help but feel guilt and sadness that you’ll have to share Mommy’s attention in a little bit. Everyone ask me if you know what’s about to happen and I tell them you don’t have a clue. But maybe you do- you have been very into Mommy these days- looking for me, only I can put you to bed, wanting to sit on my lap. You make me feel super special, loved and wanted. I love how you whisper ‘Okay’ when I offer to sing you a song, how you look for and hold my hand as you drift off to sleep, you’re the cutest person in the world to me.
Do you remember how I cried Christmas Eve when we found out we were pregnant? I felt so sorry and guilty that day whenever I looked at you. Jeff and people say that I shouldn’t feel any sadness or guilt because soon you’ll have a best friend and someone to play with. That reassures me to some degree. Your little brother/sister won’t be able to fully participate in playing together until he/she is a little bit older. I pray you love your sibling and get along together.
Thank you for making Mommy’s birthday yesterday so fun. I thought you’d love the steak at dinner but instead your dinner was that puffy huge bread.
Today is 39+2 weeks. Any day now is the story we’ve been singing for the last few weeks. I’m sorry I’ll have to be away from you at the hospital. Believe me, it makes me cry thinking about being away from you. I apologize also in advance if I am grumpy from fatigue. I promise to try and be positive and happy!
Remember Mommy loves you and thinks about you all the time. You are my first-born and my #1 Baby!!!! Be good to Daddy and whoever watches you at night, K?