To my little Jacob

My Dear Jacob,

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind as we’ve had to find/move to a new place. I wish we could’ve spent our time together playing and having fun instead of running around like chickens with our heads cut off like running errands, moving, packing/unpacking, etc. You have been amazingly calm and go-with-the-flow about everything- your diet is off, your sleep is off, we had NO AC for a few days, we have no bathtub. You obviously have received that gene from your dad.

I can’t help but feel guilt and sadness that you’ll have to share Mommy’s attention in a little bit. Everyone ask me if you know what’s about to happen and I tell them you don’t have a clue. But maybe you do- you have been very into Mommy these days- looking for me, only I can put you to bed, wanting to sit on my lap. You make me feel super special, loved and wanted. I love how you whisper ‘Okay’ when I offer to sing you a song, how you look for and hold my hand as you drift off to sleep, you’re the cutest person in the world to me.

Do you remember how I cried Christmas Eve when we found out we were pregnant? I felt so sorry and guilty that day whenever I looked at you. Jeff and people say that I shouldn’t feel any sadness or guilt because soon you’ll have a best friend and someone to play with. That reassures me to some degree. Your little brother/sister won’t be able to fully participate in playing together until he/she is a little bit older. I pray you love your sibling and get along together.

Thank you for making Mommy’s birthday yesterday so fun. I thought you’d love the steak at dinner but instead your dinner was that puffy huge bread.

Today is 39+2 weeks. Any day now is the story we’ve been singing for the last few weeks. I’m sorry I’ll have to be away from you at the hospital. Believe me, it makes me cry thinking about being away from you. I apologize also in advance if I am grumpy from fatigue. I promise to try and be positive and happy!

Remember Mommy loves you and thinks about you all the time. You are my first-born and my #1 Baby!!!! Be good to Daddy and whoever watches you at night, K?

Love,

Mommy