One year ago today

Today is the 1-year anniversary of the passing of my grandmother. I remember exactly where I was, exactly how I found out, exactly how much tears were shed, how I went to church to look for her… Every single detail is fresh in my mind.

She had just celebrated her 97th birthday with the family and passed a few weeks later. How she passed is still somewhat traumatic and creates some PTSD. So, putting all the medical knowledge and experience aside, I shift my focus to believe that she passed painlessly, peacefully feeling loved and not alone.

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Here she is at my uncle/aunt’s house for her 97th birthday celebration. How beautiful and adorable is she?!?

I never truly understood what it means to think of someone everyday until her passing. I think of my husband and child everyday but I mean to miss and think of someone everyday? And I never really understood what it means when people told me that the pain decreases over time and you become at peace with it. She has been in my dreams this past week- looking happy and relaxed. In one of my dreams, I dropped her off at the hair salon so she could get a haircut and perm. I asked the lady to please take care of her and pamper her. Then I woke up from my dream.

My aunt says that Korean people prefer to celebrate the person’s last day of life. That made a lot of sense to me. I went to mass to pray for and with her. After mass, as I sat and prayed, I realized that God had answered all my prayers throughout my life. I always asked Him to please let Halmuni (Korean for grandmother) live a long life and a healthy life. And she did. She was 97 years old, had a clear memory, was able to walk, eat, laugh, pray- she was the most with-it 97-year-old.

So, with this realization, how can I be too sad? He listened to my prayers all this time. I was lucky to spend 37 years of my life with her. I got to learn from and share her love of family, friends, and Church. I also was lucky enough to have tasted her Korean food- she was the best cook I have ever met. She lived to know 2 of her youngest grandchildren who brought the biggest smiles to her face, which in turn, brought the biggest smile to my face.

She is/was my favorite person. Am I allowed to say that? I know I have a husband and child but my grandmother was someone who truly holds a special place in my heart. I spent most days with her until I was 6 years old and I owe her so much. I am comforted knowing she is with her BFF, Jesus, and reunited with her husband and children she lost in Korea.

Amidst some drama/distraction, I have too much to be thankful for to be upset. It’s a challenge with this heat and hormones! But I am healthy, Baby #2 is chillin in my belly, Jacob and Jeff are healthy.

Let’s take a moment to have/show gratitude for all that is good in our lives.

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My bridal shower- 02/2015.
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Facetime with Great-Grandma!
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Celebrating Jacob’s Dohl (1st birthday) with his favorite Great-Grandma

Author: trustmeimadoctormom

Anesthesiologist by day, Mom to a fearless threenager and almost-toddler boys by day/night/dawn 24/7!

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