I had no idea 30-33 weeks was supposed to be a tiring time. That would explain a lot. Maybe it is because the baby is growing? Maybe it is because I go to bed around 10-10:30 pm, wake up around 4 am to pee, and then have trouble falling back asleep? Maybe
because I’ve been busier/running around at work more these days? Or maybe because I’m not really exercising much? Or my husband sets an alarm for 4:40am on a day when I could sleep in until 6:40? All of the above?
I found myself feeling kind of low, to be honest these last few weeks. Kind of grumpy, tired, negative, feeling large and frumpy. People say you shouldn’t compare your current to your last pregnancy because every pregnancy is different. I looked back at my status when I was pregnant with Jacob and I look sort of similar? But I was also starting from a place where I was (1) younger, (2) more in shape (after coming off wedding exercise/diet) and (3) could home from work and nap when I wanted to.
I considered a makeover and/or new haircolor. Studies looking at pregnant animals exposed to hair dye show no cause for alarm.There are no reports of hair dye causing changes in human pregnancies, despite the fact that many women have colored their hair during pregnancy. Very little hair dye chemical is actually absorbed into your system. Still, hair dyes are chemical substances. (Even some “natural” dyes contain synthetic chemicals).
And makeover wise, am I really going to wear more makeup or start a new routine at this stage of my life? I barely/rarely wear makeup as it is. I almost considered getting eyelash extensions again because they do make you look more awake and you don’t have
to put on any eye makeup. But while I had them for about 4 months, I vowed never to do them again when I noticed how nonexistent, uneven and broken my real eyelashes were.
So I had to sincerely reflect as to what was going on in my mind. Was I depressed, tired and/or simply in a little funk? Pre-pregnancy depression is correlated to postpartum depression. I didn’t have any depression issues with Jacob but that doesn’t predict what this second pregnancy may lead to.
I had been having a little pity party for a little while. I was feeling like a bad mom because I was always tired and when I’d come home from work, I was too tired and physically limited to take Jacob outside. So we’d spend our time indoors playing, coloring or my favorite- catching up on episodes of Curious George, Tumble Leaf, or Moana. My breaking of the screen time limit also contributes/contributed to my feeling like a bad mom!
I also felt like ‘weak’ because I was so tired at work and didn’t feel like being at work. There are many physician women who worked full-time without any restrictions until their baby was born! I sort of wish I did/could do that? I transiently get anxious about finances since I won’t be earning money while on leave but I know that financially we have nothing to worry about thanks to our monthly budget meetings. So then, the only person who is judging me is myself. Who cares what other people think? Everyone has her own story! And I don’t care about anyone else’s opinions!
What do I mean by physically limited? After a bike ride a few weeks ago, my pubic symphysis started to feel uncomfortable again so I had to walk even slower than my current pace. Jacob can outwalk me. He gets so excited to go outside that he can take off and there is no way I can ‘run’ after him without pain in my back/pelvis and peeing in my pants a little bit. It’s not sexy but it is the truth! I’m hoping some pelvis and pelvic floor physical therapy can retrain some muscles before #2 is born. I had one session thus far and am Kegel-ing as I write!
But, I realize how fortunate, blessed, and lucky I am to be in this pregnant situation and I need to enjoy it! I am only pregnant (with #2) once. The baby is growing and healthy! I need/want to cherish the time I have with Jacob and keep a positive attitude for my and everyone’s health around me! On my day off on Friday, I got a little alone time to reflect on this and also pamper myself a little bit with a prenatal massage. I also took advantage of a spa gift certficate that was a birthday gift from my husband (then boyfriend at the time) from 2012! It’s amazing what a good massage and quiet time can do! I highly recommend it!
I have 4 weeks left of work and that is about how much longer our current nanny will be staying with us. The update of the nanny’s situation is that although her daughter didn’t get accepted into the pre-med-type program out east, our nanny is looking for a job that pays more money like in San Francisco where the wealthy Silicon Valley families will pay for their housing and pay more for childcare. She says she will have more information about her moving/job situation sometime this month but will stay with us until August 1 so our family can have peace of mind about Jacob until I start maternity leave.
It makes me kind of sad because Jacob finally refers to/calls our nanny ‘Mumbo’ (her name is Mirela but he can’t seem to say that at the moment). As some point of reference, Jacob refers to/calls his grandpas ‘Bumbo’ for some reason. It’s cute. On the other hand, I realize there is no reason to pay for a full-time nanny while I am on maternity leave. I’ll have to adjust my activities and am looking forward to really having some quality time with Jacob before #2 comes.
People say I’ll need/want extra help when #2 comes but we shall see how it goes! Stay tuned for how Jacob and I survive these last few weeks of Mom + #1 bonding time.
Does anyone have any tips to get out of a little funk?
Happy Monday, Happy Summer and Back to the grind for me!